Old ramblings

The following occured between the morning of 1st October and 2nd. 2012.

We've taken a one-week break after THUM. And to keep my mind busy (the sure way of avoiding social ills caused by peer pressure) I've been reading… Facebook updates and Twitter tweets. No, you can’t give me that ‘you should get a job’look. Ah-ah! I've been trying to get one and I've finally decided to flow with the tides, I am a writer, a musician and a creative. My definition.

To say the truth, saying Twitter tweets can make you chuckle.

This redefining of purposes (which happens quite often) was as a result of reading this book on advertising that Mahebo dropped on my mail. Considering my short attention span, I switched, as I always do, between reading the book and checking my mail (which is excuse to see if someone commented on that meme I shared or tweet something).

Just a sec, this break got me on a low note. No, not a low emotional state. It was a 50bob actually. All I had. Hence my reluctance to leave the house to zurura a bit.

Good, where was I…yes! I bumped into an article titled Confessions,thanks to a link posted by Ongre, who is not that much a reader of satire. He is a pseudo-geek. I assume pseudo means false. If not, well…too bad. I know he is one because I schooled with him.

Legendary: Bikozulu, Tom Odhiambo and Smitta (Tony Mochama) . Photo-Kenyanpoet

Confessions is the title of this blog post by a writer who has decided to go the Congo to overcome his writer’s block. I am serious. Biko Zulu is a hilarious character! No, I don’t swear. I avoid swearing, but I swear this is the kind of read that just makes you want to write a blog post.

So, I am feeling all creative…I guess it is because of the reading. I think back to stuff I avoid telling the world(online) about, since it is cliché,corny, immature and too revealing. However, here goes to the things that I have wanted to write about her. It is based on this.

She is beautiful. Writers have a way of exaggerating stuff, I know. However, and I won’t show/tell or link, but she is beautiful. Those eyes women add some shadowy thingy to, she has them naturally. The body.Yap.

More than that, she is, and I've told her, like a small girl. She loves pretty little things (focus). No, she doesn’t love pink, but loves polka dotted dresses.

What made me do this though is how she laughs. She giggles like a 10 year old and that lights me up every time. Especially when she has no idea I am listening out for it. It makes me want to throw her up in the air a couple of times just to hear it again. Funny how all my limited writing ability is strained when it comes to emotional let-outs. That is why I don’t do no poetry.

That’s it. All that mushy stuff ends there for now. 

ION, Hope we make it to the Kitengefest lineup. 5 days to go till the holiday ends. Can’t wait! (We didn't make it)

PS. The Business Mind magazine I debuted in is out. Grab a copy. Jussouknow, I was the first to interview the 12 year-old kid who has planted 12k trees before the Nation did it. Yap, I just had to. However, the lady from the Nation did a better job.

Aliens Do Exist

Aliens do not exist. If they do, then kindly give proof. As you quote pyramids/ufos etc kindly ensure no example you give has human functionality.

By that I mean, let’s say the Kanu hand in Uhuru park was built by aliens, k?

By the way, sorry for that title. That is what they call doublespeak for the sake of piquing the reader’s curiosity in the hope they will read while confused.

So, it is made using elements found on earth…elements we can identify-with our technology. We call this alien?

Moving on, does this spaceship have an opening? Does it have vents? Okay, it has no vents but then it has an opening…because these aliens use…’superior’ technology, right? Alien gadgets/alien ‘need for communication’/alien language/alien clothing…goodness!

Point being, if aliens were aliens, we should not be able to find any form of humanly understandable functional system to compare them to or even relate. If they are alien, why not fly, or crawl or at least do something we humans have never seen/felt/predicted or even dreamt? I mean we have seen earthly animals soar and slither, right? Is this form of movement any alien to us? Well…ah-ah!

Why do aliens in movies use computer-like apparatus that the movie watcher can identify with?

Why do aliens feel the need to find the head of our world? Why are we so quick to believe they evolved the same way we have and have been socialized in the same way? Why do aliens respect their leaders? Why do they have one? Oh, because for any system (the ones we have so far observed in all earthly organisms) to function there must be hierarchy? "That’s typical ‘humanspeak’," that's what I would have said if I was the alien called Rbrqez. With a name to boost. :-D

In my view if they are what ‘they’(alien experts) claim they are, then why are all aspects of their ‘alienity’ so relatable? Aren't they supposed to be unbelievably bizarre? With our kind of media hype, the world is kinda ready for aliens. When they get here, who knows we will even have done some fitting on prototypes for the fashion-conscious aliens. The female ones. I can get used to this.

I will stop there, because this rumbling can go on and on.  One last word, aliens do not exist. Better believe that. If they do, you’ll never see them. It won’t be in your lifetime so for now, focus on living. God would prefer if you did that.

Might do a post before Christmas, if I don’t …Merry Christmas!

P.S. This issue pesters me, and will continue worrying me for a while. How does Eric Wainaina, a Kikuyu, go out of his way to correctly pronounce Luo words for his songs and a young Kenyan Luo sees no need for the same? SMH!

P.P.S. I will keep the Eric Wainaina mentions to a bare minimum from now henceforth, lest I be labelled a pro stalker. Which would be cool!

A Musician is Like an Entrepreneur?? Really?

(NB: Scroll down to the re-blogged piece which is the subject of this blog post. Not my rumblings. Thanks)

I slept at 3 a.m. yesterday for two reasons. The first one (unimportant really  is that I had to get Eric Wainaina's 'Bwana Mkubwa' video and listen to the song because since the 2007/2008 elections, it has never been played. He redid to Orutu Special in Love and Protest but then I prefer the original feel. The blending voices of Suzanna, Nyota Ndogo, Atemi, Chizi and Sarah Mitaru are just, to quote Russel Peters, 'too good'!

On to reason number two since getting the video took 5 minutes. I decided to watch a presentation done by Eric and Sheba at Aly-Khan Satchu's Mindspeak. Problem is I started watching at around 11.30 only to realise later that it would take hours to end.

It's not that I can't see the time thingy at the bottom of the video, its just that once they started,there was no way I was going to sleep and leave it halfway. Their informal approach to it is, to quote...umm...just go watch it for yourself. Pssst, he mentions the Valerie storo at the end. Does it in a very professional way I must say.

I am an Eric fanatic so you will have to excuse anything you find subjective/biased.

So, they discussed how they started out and why they opted to focus on music rather than other 'socially accepted' forms of life... and I dozed off inspired. Yes, I said they-because she runs the company.

Next morning after breakfast and some typing for Koa, I bump into this blogpost by Muthoni Maingi and I decide I have to repost it.

This is the reason why I do what I do. Very few people know or can understand what I have given up to follow 'the path not taken'. That poem by Robert Frost has been echoing across the walls of my brain of late.

It's not that long really. If I cut out my long 'preamble' it would help. The original post can be found hapa. Here it goes:

Business, conversations and lessons

I love having conversations with go getters, alphas and doers in society. Picking their brains and hearing out their dreams, ambitions and thoughts for a better future, in their corner of the world always fascinates me. In one recent conversation, we tore down what it was that kept people out of doing something that mattered to them.

Was it money, fear or the relaxed atmosphere that a comfort zone offers? Was it that as a society we feared ‘failure’ and discouraged it so much that we ended up stifling the necessary experimental and curious nature that innovation and solution finding calls for. Or was it also, that we, who had enjoyed some measure of success were not honest enough in giving our ‘rise to x..’ story, and insisted on the glamourous rags to riches format instead? Which rarely provides anyone with the relevant know how in achieving the same level of ‘success’.

I guess there are many reasons to the why, however, in today’s post I will share some of the lessons I have learnt in running, owning and ensuring my company survives and stays relevant to my staff and clients (the most important people in that order).

When I started Deviate I was passionate about providing better marketing services and platforms for small but dynamically growing Kenyan businesses. Brands like Tile and Carpet, Tropical Heat and Mercantile Insurance had fascinated me when I worked at Creative Edge. What I however, found was that despite their having a few million shillings to spare for marketing, they were not receiving the best service tailored specifically for them. Media (billboards, radio, TV and Print) and agencies usually priced themselves and built their models in a way that would work really well for a big brand eg Colgate but not as well for a brand like Whitedent.

So I started Deviate, a company who’s sole aim is to provide better service, delivery and set standards for SME and agency relations. It’s a company that picks brands that it can grow with as opposed to just a brand that can grow the profit margins of the company. The company is entirely built around two groups of people, the staff and the clients.

I believe this is one element that has helped us grow to where we are, currently the company represents over 20 regional brands. And we’re a year old.

However, our business model is not all that matters. One of the biggest selling points Deviate has is the relationships with clients. This really is not marketing lingo. My clients inspire me as people, and they happen to be some of the most interesting and forward thinking people I have met. A huge problem in agency is the idea that ‘client is confused/stupid/complicated’. In many instances they are able to provide an outside-in view that can truly guarantee marketing ROI. A notoriously difficult thing to achieve. So we value our clients and their input, as well as enjoy creating something with them. After all, we work with SME’s, one of the most creative and dynamic groups there are. Do I go out of the way for them in many areas, yes, is it worth it? Yes, all jobs and retainer clients have come from WOM of current/past clients. Not to mention the repeat business opportunities that can be explored.

Now to the dirty bit of it all, the top was all flowers. Lack of money and fear of failure. When I started out, Deviate was going to be all about carvertising-selling ads on taxi bodies. Long story short it didn’t work out yet I had spent all my savings on it. I was flat out broke. I don’t know whether I should thank Zeus, Bacchus or Thor, but someone who I had worked with at Creative Edge approched me to pitch for an online brand management job. I did and I got it. However, it took about three months for this and the cheque on it to clear. I lived on Uchumi points and for one month my electricity was cut. During the three months, I got three job offers, not interviews, offers, one of whom wanted to pay me 120 000 ksh net. I emailed my thank you but regretted to inform them that I had started my own company. My family and friends listed me off as insane, and in all honesty at that point I kind of was. There was the constant nagging of inner voice me that kept reminding me that I had already failed in the carvetising, plus, the online brand management client might not want to go with me. I guess the lesson in this is that I was determined, possibly half starved to a near insane at this point and I really had a good feeling about what I wanted to do and I believed my solutions could make a difference. Money and comfort were just not going to cut it.

source: trebas.com

That client ended up being my first major win in many ways. They were a very recognizable brand, and over the year that I worked with them, we not only receive fantastic online PR but this translated to offline as the brand is referred to as one of the few active and engaging corporate brands online. Plus we got nominated for best corporate account at BAKE.

Do I still have issues with money, yes, can I still fail yes. In fact failure at this stage would mean ruining the lives of my employees and clients. Will I give up, or am I tempted? No. Never ever. I plan on building a company that will be over 100 years old and still counting. How many of those do we have in Kenya/East Africa that are truly ours?

Event Review-Acoustic Worship 5

Footnotes: I did this review 3 months ago and it wasn't published so I figured, it does nothing better on my desktop. ION, join us for the fourth Twendelele this Saturday, titled An African Christmas.

  After practice, we all confirmed if we had our tickets on us as we hurried along Kenyatta Avenue towards the Alliance Francaise. It was the 4^th of September and the 5^th edition of Acoustic Worship was about to start. I took a detour and by the time I got to the Alliance reception area, the place was packed. As I craned my neck trying to figure out where my comrades were standing while we awaited for the opening of the Wangari Maathai Auditorium, I realised I was surrounded by notables.

  Since we had to wait, I decided to schedule an interview with Jaya, a lovely songstress. Meanwhile all around I could see people I am supposed to know and I didn't  Think of musicians in the live music gospel industry, the young ones, they were all (or most of them were) here.

  Once the two heavy doors to the auditorium swung wide, we all ‘lined’ up true Kenyan style, tickets in hand. Inside was the expected haggling for strategically placed seats, but nothing ugly. I have seen worse.

Ten minutes later, everything quieted down and the applause began as Kato Change and Noel Nderitu entered the stage.

Kato Change, Noel Nderitu, David Gitoho (background-Mathewmatix on drums).KweliMedia

With no official ‘MC’ in the mix, the focus was on the music. First off was a piece done by these two then the rest of the band joined them on stage all silently, almost solemnly, with no acknowledgement of our presence as the audience. It was a performance. A friend would later tell me, ‘it was like they came for a jamming session.’

  Noel Nderitu definitely impressed with his two songs and the back-up vocals later on in Karimi’s I belong to you. He sang in a clear and crisp tone, no unnecessary embellishments all over the place. The parts he adlibbed he did well, with well-placed runs that left the audience hanging on to every note.

His interaction was the closest we got to an MC and he did a fantastic job with his casual laid-back approach. He made fun of the pianist, George Nyoro and even himself, leaving chuckles that punctuated the entire event. I loved the reggae crowd-part for his song, Go.

  Kato Change as always, utilized his spotlight, amazing everyone and even more, the guitarists in the audience. His improvs are to die for. For a versatile jazz and blues-loving guitarist, one wonders what to highlight when Kato plays. This night he added some African two-chorded riff that left the audience humming to themselves. He also wrote a Luo song he couldn’t sing, as per his own admission.

The song, called Aparo was vocalized by Lisa who mesmerizes more and more. For those complex jazzy runs adlibs a la Ella Fitzgerald or Jill Scott, Lisa is the one to go to. She wowed everyone with her vocal technique as well as feel.

  Karimi was also in the performers list. She told of how she dreamt of singing at the Acoustic Worship since the first one. Her dream had come true and she did leave a mark. Everyone remembers the powerful-voiced belter at the concert. The blend of her song,I belong to you with Isaac Houghton’s I know who I am was my favorite.

Karimi the belter. Source: KweliMedia.Copyright Mwangi Kirubi.

  You rarely get to hear (I have never) the bass guitar sound like an acoustic classical one. David Gitoho, from the UK as Kato informed us turned that instrument into something else. His bass guitar solo was worth writing home and pinning somewhere. He added the licks you would hear in a kawaida acoustic guitar with some breathtaking improvs that left even the non-musical members of the audience shaking their heads in wonder.

  Words fail to describe when you need them to. He even did a rendition of Lord I lift your name on high, the popular and classic Pentecostal song.    His looping enabled him to do much more. He admitted to having had ‘goofs’of which I am sure very few, probably only 2, people noticed.

  It is not that there were no songs done with the band as a whole, but the set up was such that the strength of every performer was highlighted.

  The percussions, played by Mobutu Sese and the drums by Mathewmatix Rabala also had their moment to be heard. Using mime-like movements, these two left the audience in bouts of laughter with their simple dramatic performance. This of course did not overshadow their performance as they exchanged instruments, each one trying to outdo the other. Mobutu Sese was all-out playing the full percussion set that had a djembe, congas and dununs not counting the shakers and sticks with a lot of energy and vigor. I did not know Mathewmatix could play percussions that well as well.

Mobutu Sese.KweliMedia

   However, it was their versatility that caught the ear of the audience as they moved through different styles from salsa to isukuti then back to ragga then hip-hop followed by chakacha then bossa nova. To make it better, they increased the tempo to a mind-blowing climax that earned them a standing ovation.

The man who stole most people’s hearts though was George Nyoro, the pianist. His arrangement of gospel hymns such as As the deer panteth and Baba Hakuna was remarkable. His playing is not just technically impressive but also very expressive. His arrangements too were mindboggling. The fact that he is a jazz pianist gives a clue. His way of playing around with modulations and tempo-change, not mentioning his speed places him among the most promising pianists Kenya is yet to see.

Words do not fully describe the precision and clarity of the pieces presented that evening. The audience sat down for about ten minutes after the last piece, not believing that it had actually ended. I believe good musicianship is all about growth which comes from learning. If the standards being set by these young musicians are anything to go by, then the industry is on the right path.

Last Night in the News

Here are some of the things writers explore in their creativity.

So, yesterday in the news we all heard that some 3 women were arrested in a slum, claiming to be midwifes but suspected to be ‘jua kali’ abortionists. My creative juices also known as imagination decided to play around with the idea and think of how a novelist would put this story to work.

You could have a larger story,like something on unrequited love, told by a young Nairobian. And like any other plot, you explore a variety of themes, based on where you place a character, his friends, dialogue etc. At some point in your plot you could opt to start your chapter like this:

‘There were flies all over, irritatingly opting for people’s noses or rather, faces, instead of inanimate objects and clothing. It was the smell. Definitely had to be the smell. I also considered that it had rained in Nairobi last night for about 5 hours straight, not just Kurweini slums. In fact, there were rumours that houses, owned by the middle-class, had been flooded. We were shocked. That was Bobo and I, when I went to ask him if Shiks had called him by any chance after last night.

“Mimi sifanyingi hiyo kazi! Apana! No!”, the lady in the lesso with orange and black prints shrieked as she was led by the askaris to the waiting Landrover, already revved up.

It was a scene. The journalists with their paraphernalia (professional and semi-professional video as well as still cameras, colorfully-branded microphones and blandly designed audiorecorders, notepads and tiny pens) haggled and pushed each other like dogs by the butchery. It was beginning to turn messy as they were joined by the mothers who had tipped the police and wanted to lynch the three women. Or seemed to. The sight of cameras can do wonders. I tightened my grip on the black polythene bag with my two mandazis and mini-packet of Limuru Milk, and almost tripped as I turned…’

The pic should help with the imagery.. Source: Goodwin

I know, I know. I haven’t even touched on the stench of confiscated herbs, allegedly used for inducing abortion. I am yet to mention how some neighbor gave testimony, having seen a young girl led by an old man into the slaughterhouse and fail to come back. None of that yet, but then if I was to use all this, I would have had to tie it to our character’s story (see I can’t even tell you his name) and that would be giving too much away, and yet you just met himJ. Well, at least you know his gender.

Have a great November! Or as Capitalists would put it, have a Merry Christmas!

Learning Vulindlela-Compare and Contrast

Much as I requested Kevin to ask Kate, being a girl and all,(yes, all) to learn Nakupenda, I went ahead to learn this song by Brenda Fassie. You should watch the performance she does for Mandela, epic! Kwanza, that 180 split? No, it’s not the split that caught my eye though, it is the strong vocals, yidiyada.

This song is beautifully written and is slightly similar to Mwana Mberi.

 If you don't have a moral at the end of this post, remember, Africa is not a country with villages called Sangala where everyone speaks like Dubaku (24 ssn 8)  :-D Kenyan filmmakers should do a movie with a made-up European country and call it...I don't know, Skumavenia?

Now, if you are planning to do your own rendition of a song; one, get the pronunciation correct and two, find out the meaning. Otherwise you end up with this

Instead of this

Cracked me up! 

I Don't Want to be a Music Teacher

Article edited to incorporate reader response. Don't worry, the edited part stands out, you won't miss it.

The other day I was labeled 'rebellious.' Quite a shock for all who know me…and even to me. I am one of those ‘yes’ happy-go-happy bendera-hufuata-upepo people.

I however fit into the image of that character with hidden pride, the one mentioned during church seminars. Those with the pious look, but actually pride in the fact that they outwardly appear holy. Lots of church people have the same problem. It is a very subtle thing and one rarely sees it creeping in(sic), like the wasp that you’ve been seeing around but didn't know it was building a nest in your room at the top-left corner of the ceiling. Too much info, Charles.

By the way, when your girlfriend calls you by your first name, it could mean only two things… (refer to that Nigerian comedian for the rest)

Where were we? Yes! Rebelious. I prefer writing in a conversational manner. You should be able to hear me speaking to you. I dislike extremely complex prose (most probably because I'm not good at it). I inwardly correct someone when they say primare instead of praimari. I love simplicity, like Mathe does. For this post though,

I don’t want to be a music teacher. I was told every movie has the title mentioned somewhere by the characters and you should watch out for it. She (not Mathe) is the one who told me this.

Teaching music makes no sense specifically, to me. It is redundant. I mean, music is the only art/field that one studies so that they teach other people to become good enough to teach other people. WTH?!

At some point in my life I decided that I want to be a performer of music when I grow up, or should I say if. The allure of the stage and all that attention one gets, mind you, is a sign of some inner inadequacies. We won’t go into them right now though.

Do you realise we can’t have Eric Wainainas changing the sound of a generation if every music lover wants to go to K.U to get a PhD in music so that they later teach high school choirs during music festivals? A musician should create. I know they do, but when was the last time your playlist had a music teacher’s song favorited? No, seriously. Every great music teacher I know of, be it Brett Manning or Kavutha is known not for their creative work, but their teaching skills.

hmm...I've been thinking of getting dreadlocks...Quaint Photography

Other than Andrew, Sautisol’s bassist, most teachers who end up in international schools are lost in the schedules; preparing the kids for the annual concert, teachers’ meetings and supplementing that with one-off performances with the orchestras around Nairobi every now and then.

What’s the point of being a musician if all you do is teach? Ever heard of 90% of the graduands from Chiromo looking for universities in which to train other doctors?

Why should kids look up to you as a teacher if by your own example you are proving to them that their future, if they are to pursue music, is limited to becoming teachers of other kids who will be teachers of other kids who will be teachers?

I personally have chosen a better alternative. I want to be a drug tycoon so that I sponsor really good bands and launch their careers as a way to launder money. 

I prefer being a manager. In fact, I have often said to my Lele Ngoma band mates that they should allow me to quit and just focus on managing them. I could also become an events organizer coming up with concepts that can sell makers of good music. I am even willing to learn guitar and sit cross-legged at a high traffic zone in town and sing for money. But I don’t want to be a music teacher. In my not-so-humble view it is the death of the musician in the individual.

p.s. Kevo, I am not brushing aside the Masters idea.

Pause...

Are music teachers important? Heo yeah! Everyone including the aliens in space know that our music industry is in dire need of musically savvy superstars. But more than teachers, it needs role models. Think about it, who inspires you to sing better? Yolanda Adams or her vocal trainer? Atemi's vocal prowess or that of her vocal trainer? John Mayer or his guitar and songwriting teacher? 

Lessons from the Last Performance

(Sounds like a 90s movie title, yes?:-) No? Probably a book on the movie 'The Last Performance?'

I was to do a proper post since my last one was…kinda crappy. Am being honest here. I will stop giving you peeks into my thought-speak, you get to know too much, and I love my privacy. Lemme just type them as they come, even if in bits and pieces.

Performance

This is the first part of a post for the Lelengoma blog. 

Before I continue, the concert went well….naaah, away with modesty, it was AWESOME! Now I will restrain myself and continue.

This was said by one Wangui Githu to her students at the Sauti Academy (I paraphrase), ‘The moment you step on that stage, it’s yours. You own it and you can do almost anything. It is your space.’ Just assume she is still talking and add this to your imagery so far. ‘When at home (or in your room), you decide whether to watch TV seated on the carpet or on the sofa or stool, you name it. It’s your space. The stage should come close to that.’

Wangui.Quaint Photography

Pauline who has a beautiful voice by the way asked me a lot on stage fright. Thum was her first time on stage with Nouvelle the band and she had those moments all performers have at some point or the other.

Once you get Wangui’s concept, performance becomes slightly easier. When you are that familiar with the stage, you can start practicing in front of a mirror and all those other things ‘public speaking’ experts tell you to do.

Similar move learnt from MJ

It is all about creating an illusion of completeness. My own thinking is that performance is a  representation of real life hence anything done on stage should be as full/complete as real life. This is why actors wear big outfits and bigger, more exaggerated expressions when on stage. That’s why choirs at the Kenya Music Festivals arrange themselves in such a way as to cover the whole stage.

Old stuff you say. Well, in today’s technological age, this is why lighting is important to a set. You either have large cameras that keep the eye roving or dancing/confusing/captivating lighting to keep you glued to the stage and…say it, create the same illusion.

Hiphop artists usually jump up and down and move around, changing formations as they perform. Ballad singers a la Luther Vandross and Ella Fitzgerald do the same, but with their voices mostly. The same applies to Operatic singers. Keep in mind their audience though-if you stand at the same place when performing to children/adults with ADD, you will have no concert. I promise.

K.R. Watch Kasiva play the djembe…or Mobutu for that matter.

I was awed the first time I watched her play.Kasiva

Lingala performers prefer to dance, but other than that they also fill the stage with ‘extras’J Not in a mean way, but honestly, you have the sexylooking mamas, about 8 of them on stage, 8 dancers and 8 vocalists, not counting the instrumentalists. What for? Ask one-man guitarist Mike Rua how to cost-cut KQ style and save money for investing in a plot in Kisaju.

The Last Performance

For THUM, we changed our usual performance set up from mic on stands to chordless mics and it worked! Especially for me. I always felt like the stands were limiting. It is based on a simple concept. If dance is not your thing or your music is not hype/pop such that you have to dance throughout the set, then move around and achieve the same illusion.

Either way, if you are a performer, find a way of performing that works for you if the above don't. You could opt to just do dreadlocks and shake them every once in a while. Or not. Experiment and find something that works with your personality. Moreover, research and observe.

And that is how you get carried away doing a blog post for one page and end up writing it up to the end. Oh well, the readers are different and the material suits both. Oh, and copy/paste option was made for a purpose!

Mi huwanga Emcee

If Michael Jackson’s Earth Song had been written by a Kenyan ‘artiste’, this is how the lyrics would have looked like:

The green, green earth

Gives us food, rain and

Protects you and me

From the harmful effects we see

Of the scorching sun

Save the environment

Give the children a future

Save the environment

It only takes

You and Me

What happened to depth, creativity and poetry in how we write lyrics? Dear young ‘MC’ who is so passionate about society, how do you ‘katia’ that girl? You write her a poem that goes,’I love you and I want a relationship with you starting probably a month from now. I can provide for you so you have no reason to refuse?’

Well, if you do, then both of you are probably ‘MCs who want to win a Grammy for your skillzZ!’

This is how the Earth song was written, kindly compare and contrast-give your opinion, only if you have high self-esteem.

What about sunrise?
What about rain?
What about all the things?
That you said we were to gain

Wanted to post the first stanza only, but then the mouse refused. It just couldn’t resist copy pasting more…

What about killing fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine?
Did you ever stop to notice

All the blood we've shared before?
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying earth the weeping shores?

Such depth, beauty and ..and emotive words that make you stop and think. Lyrics must be poetic that is why you are called an artist. Being obvious-in case 1 above makes your song only last one ‘Mzungu’-sponsored tree-planting ceremony. Keep in mind Lucky Dube’s ‘prisoner’ is still played in radio stations, yet it is about apartheid.

Your song is not a lecture,it should get that message in a sublime, sweet and subtle way. 

Note:
I think I should do another post on Kenyans use of 'cliches' when writing love songs. Now you see why, it's not just autotune that ticks me off?

When you Know Your Mistakes and Still Make Them

Now, how to start... I avoid using the cliche, 'where to start' as much as possible. Let's see...  Today, Class, we will disqus the Common Mistakes made by Online Writers, specifically yours truly. We might also add quite intensely why he is keen on making them for a little longer than you would have expected.

Allegorical Titles and Subtitles
Give me a sec. I need to Google what allegorical means. Ok, it's not appropriate, in fact it is wrong. I will have to use it since I don't think analogical is a better-suited word.

The point of writing metaphorical titles rather than literal ones is because, just like icebreakers they are meant to make you turn. Now, unless you are reading a newspaper where the news is structured, most titles are boring. What's the point of reading a title that tells all? Funny enough, the best titles are those which tell you everything and yet make you want to read the piece still. I am yet to crack that so I will stick to my style.

I stimulate the mind,(weird, out of the ordinary works most of the time) partly because I am creative and conventional makes me feel restricted and underutilised.

Confusing Examples and Captions

I learnt this from ze master, Marcus Olang' himself.  Did you know, children ape you more and listen to you less? Yap, you did. But I bet you 10 Zim dollars that you didn't know some people are more 'apers' than others. I am living proof. I assimilate stuff around me subconsciously. I find myself snapping or tapping the table two minutes after sitting across you at a meeting. TMI.

I admire wit and the subtlety that defines satirical writing and speech. If I admire something, I consciously absorb it. Be it a word or voicing or ad lib. Hence I have absorbed from Man Njoro, Nduta Kariuki and Olang' the art of misdirecting people to stimulate their brain cells to work.

Punctuation
Let me set the record straight. Here is my excuse for misusing the ellipsis; online writing requires spaced out, easy on the eye material. A status update or tweet can only be spaced by pressing 'Enter' or...say it with me, the three dots.

I however hate using CAPITAL LETTERS TO MAKE A POINT...I find it 'too much' in your face, close to being spit on. Sorry for the gross example but it's true. I mildly dislike 'shoooouuutinnggg' unless it is necessary. If you shout and use caps I fist-pump your face the only way I can, virtually.

Using this (!!!)  at the end of each sentence is stupid unless you are typing happy birthday on somebody's wall. Shout and use caps when HBDing someone. It fits perfectly. Afterall, in ceremonies, people sing/shout loudly and with no pleasant motives for the ear.

Now, I do not use xuch xes in my writing. I however love old apostrophe uses such as "D'you mind?" or "G'day". Problem is, people find it too informal and immature. Kwani hawakusoma Shakespeare ama kuwatch 'King Arthur' plus other epics?

Grammatical Mistakes
I am not a Grammar Nazi like Olang' and Koech Kevin but some mistakes irk/itch me. The best part about it is I make more grammatical mistakes than most people. Using the wrong words...like allegorical above...is second nature. By second nature I mean lazy. In their circles, I hide behind 'shrubbing' the word or using synonyms to avoid the raised brows that follow a wrong word.

K.R. I think Kiswahili has swag! I also think whoever overused the word swag (pop musicians) spoilt it for those of us who find words such as 'swagger' mellifluous. Hehe, your turn. Tafuta dictionary :-P

Moving on, journalists who use verbose a la Waga Odongo, do not impress me much. I read him simply because of his satire but the big words are ermm...unnecessary sometimes. However, Philip Ochieng' is another story altogether. A veteran, he is the last of a dying breed of 'knights' who would die for honour and nothing else. His writing can be described as classic!

Classic. In case you skipped reading and skimmed through the post. Philip Ochieng'

Coining Words/Acronyms For the Sake of It
Once again, its about being unique, memorable and lazy.IML. People will remember you if you coined a word with their name such as Sweetawa for Sitawa. The best example is the one used above which as mentioned in a previous post, means 'Kinda-Related'. The secret is to do it in a way people go like'hmm...doesn't make sense but that's Bodo!'*shrug*

I am not a writer, hence not bound by this rule. Onsando, no condescending looks allowed.(victoria_writes.com)

When I started typing this post I had so much to write. Now I am halfway and pausing, trying to brainstorm. It's sad really. Oh well, even this is worth a read. So says I, the writer. SMH!

To learn new words and how to use them, kindly tell this guy to link you to his blog. Kevin Orato, open a blog. To read someone who hates being compared to Chimamanda Adichie, read this girl's blog. It has a funny name...SOgugu. In addition ladies, when online and bored read this lovestory which I have never glanced at,even after meeting the writer. I repeat, never.

Finally get yourself Tickets for THUM #28Sep.

Whew! That's the longest post I have ever written/typed...whatever. I'm done! No, don't try that 'you are Bodo' thing on me. Thanks!

Short and Simple. Maybe Sweet.

This is going to be a short post. In fact I am not sure I will add a photo anywhere. Reason?

It's 3a.m. and I've got to be at Mater Hospital tomorrow at 9 or Milly will kill me. That said, I am proud of one David Lekuta. It sounds cooler and fresher than Rudisha.

The Girl reminded me that he has broken 4 records and is nothing as proud as Usain Bolt who is more than an athlete, a personality.

Who has noticed Rudisha has improved from 'Fiatu fyake' to 'Cleanliness Champions?' His overall image will see him endorse more products. #myopinion.

Much as Kenya was disqualified from the relay race, I want y'all to notice how the fallen Kenyan athlete (whose name sijui) wakes up and tries to catch up. Now that's the stuff that movies are made of! I bet it will be used to advertise the next Olympics.

As a parting shot, Kenya is bidding to host the Olympics. No, it's not 2058 yet. It's 2012. Am sure you are thinking what I'm thinking. Yap! No need to voice it!

How to Go Round in Circles to Make a Simple Point

Yes, I know. I haven’t blogged in a while. Go ahead, judge me and air your opinions on laziness, procrastination etc. (I realize this part makes no sense for a new reader…J).

Form 3 biology lessons were memorable for many reasons. You see, I wanted to be a doctor one day…don’t laugh! Now that you did, that story will not be told.

Secondly, it earned me my first send-away note (the Deputy Principal insisted it was not serious enough for a suspension letter). ‘It’ being missing one revision CAT while in the ArtRoom, finishing my mosaic.

Btw,that's not a pear, it's a dog...(got it at  http://www.nobelprize.org ) 

Thirdly, there was a guy called Pavlov whose name still disturbs me. I met him later on while doing Communication at U.o.N. Yeah, see where that doctor vibe ended?

Enehu, so Pavlov…and I hope am correct, came up with a role modeling theory where some dogs used to salivate at the sound of the bell which signaled that food is on the way. Detour…this topic was taught when the break time bell used to lead to salivation and loss of concentration…pfff, I thought to myself, ati dogs?!

Sigh! I will focus and finish this story. So, if those dogs were mean (like the bulldogs in DMX videos) they would have eaten up the guy, or his research papers, that one when time he rang the bell and didn’t bring food. He would have gone to a conference and went like, the dog ate my… Moving on swiftly, point is people will work with the standards and routine you set out for them.

Too many dog allusions reinforced by the photos will just misdirect  anyone who glances at this post

I failed to mention on my first post that I will blog once every month. Minimum. In those 'heydays' adrenaline, known in kawaida terms as excitos, made me blog after every two days. Ever heard somebody tell you,’umezoea vibaya?’

Well, I’ll be nice and avoid saying that to you my dear, awesome reader.

And folks, this whole blog post is what I call the process of apology-making. Mention your sin, don’t confess immediately…explain yourself and make the person feel guilty for being hard on you then say sorry. You end up not needing to make it up for your wrongdoing.

(K.R. is a coined acronym (Lecture on English for journalists) that means kinda related.)

K.R. A priest once told us that today’s world avoids the word sin and replaces it with ‘softer’ words such as wrongdoing, mistake, error, etc.

The long and short of it (ebu focus!) is, there is a lot in store. Keep it locked here ;-)

ION,

On 18th July, I had an *AWESOME* day;

-I got hired to do 2 articles for BusinessMind magazine and they were impressed. Shockingly, me too!

-We did a demo for some festival, hope this music thing works out

-I designed a logo for some company-it’s been almost 2 years since I last designed. My awesome designer brother liked it. Trust me, impressing artists takes a lot.

-Cravemusic magazine published my first ever event review of an artiste I really respect, Winyo. Find it here.

Think Lokua Kanza singing in Luo, majorly through falsetto and great imagery in songwriting (Quaint Photography)

There is something about validation that just… (That was meant to be the first sentence of my next blog post, until I sat down and started typing) 

What I ended up with when I Googled the word  'yippee!' ( http://reginanatie.blogspot.com  )

Pay the band?! But it’s charity!

 Dear Band,

 We would like to use your services in our upcoming charity event to raise money for the struggling children in Karen. Our guestlist includes Michael Joseph, Obama Barrack (can you imagine?), The Queen of Sheba, Nelson Mandela as well as Pamela Jelimo. It’s going to be big.

Pssst! They have contributed a million each, even for organizing the event. That’s beside the point.

 By the way, you guys play afro fusion right? Ok, because we needed a serious band. The last one we had declined this time, I think it’s because we did not pay them. But they were not that good.

 Speaking of which, it’s a charity event so we really appreciate the sacrifice you guys made to support the cause. Yes, we did pay the guys providing the sound system. You see, that was budgeted for, even the dj, because theirs is professional and it involves equipment. This implies transport costs etc, plus it’s a business, no one offers sound for free. (a pal will be in charge of sound)

Practice takes years!

 On the other hand you see, for you musicians it’s just talent. You just have it and all you need is to open your mouth and strum the guitar and everyone turns. That is why you are important to this event. Your transport…well, you can take care of that. Ati studio costs for practice? It can’t be that much of an investment. By the way, I hope you are not stupid enough to do this as a job. I mean, seriously…it’s a side hustle right?

 The money contributed for hiring a band for the event will go to…ahem, the cause.

B is for S

 Look at the bigger picture, this is a big opportunity for you to network and publicize considering the people in attendance. N.B. Foods and drinks will be sold at affordable prices, to support the cause. Keep in mind we are giving you a great platform and you should appreciate this instead of reconsidering the gig.

NameDrop

 People like akina Eric Wainaina started the same way. I mean, I saw Kidum play here just the other day before people got to know him. Same as Lira. I have always said, young artistes such as yourselves should maximize such events to get your card out there-you never know man.

 So, we are on, tomorrow at Lambwe valley-not that far from Kisii town. Please be there for sound check by 5 in the morning. The event will be starting at 4 p.m. You will have a 10 minute slot, this is my way of telling you without really saying it, that you might end up doing 3 hours.Inform your fans too so that they come. Thanks again. See you on 3^rd. Event Organizer

  

When did it Become Shady to Sing and Dance like an African?

Was at a live concert recently. I only do live concerts. The ones that have a band as amazing as Dela's at Choices last Thursday. The post is not about Dela by the way. She is a soulful,belting Kenyan songstress. Done with the disclaimer. Now, one Koech and I kept discussing something that we have noticed of late in upcoming urban, to be specific, Nairobian musicians. 

Let me quote Eric Wainaina, as I heard a pastor do at AFLEWO 2008.

'West is not best. It's just that, West.'

                                                     Dela at Tribe Hotel last year (KWELI of course took the photo)

What is Afrofusion? What defines Kenyan music?

is it the person or the music that makes it African? 

This is a brief look at a topic you may have heard before. You might be tempted to switch off,but before you do, hear me out.

In my view, we have so many young Nairobians struggling, and yes the word is struggling, to sound like Beyonce, Wiz Khalifa, John Legend when surrounded by such greats as Hugh Masekhela, Sarah Mitaru and Juliani. Go out of this continent and they want to hear your story in your language and melody, rhythme, stye!

Hugh could play the trumpet as well as the Jazz greats of his time. They admitted it. However, one of them told him,' We have already heard that and we know how it sounds. We want to hear what your own sound is like.' In his interview with JKoinange he goes on to say how he had to call his grandma back in S.A. to get old traditional tunes/songs which he started to listen to. He listened to it the same way we idolize how Esperanza Spalding plays,practices,records, ad libs etc. He then incorporated these tunes to become a world Jazz legend.

               Hugh on the cover and Mama Afrika-Miriam Makeba. (Makeba-getty images. Hugh-RS Mag)

Does this mean we should stick to traditional chants and always go on stage with sisal skirts? Yes-twould be fun watching:-) Ok, not necessarily. Listen to Sautisol's Mwanzo to get the picture. 

This goes out especially to performing musicians. It has a lot to do with singers and songwriters since instrumentalists respect African melodies more than 'sophisticated' vocalists. Nothing makes a drummer so happy as to realise a Mzungu can't play seben.It doesn't matter the genre, put some African language n life into it. More than the mind, speak to the heart.

What do you bring to the table that is not 'China'? You can't master being someone else. You can't be good at being another person.

Question is: If John Legend were to collabo with a young musician from Kenya, how would the world know how Kenyans sound? Ever heard of Eric Wainaina feat. Oliver Mtukudzi? or Israel Houghton feat. Jonathan Butler or Dolly Parton feat. Ladysmith Mambazo, or India Arie feat. Dobet Gnahore or...I could go on and on.

 (N.B. Brett Dennen has an Indie song with benga accompaniment and probably has no idea:)

Finally, on a promotional note, this September, Lele presents THUM.Celebrate.Identity.

Oh No, Not Another One

Saitoti is dead. The others too. Bite me if you think I am ignoring other equally if not more important names. We have theories as to why the chopper was rigged, compromised, fishy, bewitched even.

We explain everything, even when there is no reason. We need a reason for everything-call it purpose. I get when we say there is need for a purpose in life, to give direction and meaning. I guess even that sense of identity comes from purpose e.g. how if your purpose was to save life by becoming a doctor, fulfillment of that gives you the identity of a caregiver/provider.

But then what about when you hit your head on the window or it starts to rain when you are indoors?

Once, my dad goes,

‘You see it was good that the cow started jumping in excitement because we Africans believe life and energy from man to animal to inanimate matter is interlinked. We are one; hence the jumping was a good sign.” (Story created due to writer’s memory lapse on what he said at the time. Put in small size fonts to hopefully escape your attention, which evidently did not work).

Now, expecting Mathe to refute that theory and replace the African with a more God-directed explanation, she goes “Now that’s an African speaking. The days when I used to do fieldwork, while working in public health in the 90s, you find a child is malnourished and is almost dying. Since the mother is also pregnant with another baby, she (this was the mzee’s opinion which was definitely hers) rationalizes it as the way it was meant to be.’ Mind you, this is not because she is necessarily superstitious, it’s just that for lack of a way to handle the situation, people turn to anything.

From that example we can conclude that human beings explain everything to find a way to handle situations. Fullstop. I tend to think if you are going to use the word ‘fullstop’ or ‘period’ at the end of a sentence then it doesn’t make sense putting the mark. It is redundant…and foolish i.e. does not make sense. However, we can explain that too. A paper titled, ‘the explanation of why humans see need to repeat themselves in symbol and word’ would make a good read.

African philosophy explains rain, sunshine, a dying blade of grass, an almost dying one and a broken one too.

Enehu, why not just leave some things as they are? I mean we have mistakes in everyday life-coincidences that do not add up-but when they don’t lead to a national disaster we assume them. Saitoti is dead, am sure wherever he is he would prefer if we looked into the crash to avoid future ones but not to stoke the human spirit.

Now, explain why the writer felt the urge to post this. 20 marks.

40 marks if you can explain why you need illustrations to elaborate your point.

and my Granma was strumming the guitar!

So, let’s assume I have forgotten everything up to this part of the dream. It starts with an advert of how this water company has brought water to our village, ocha where I come from. This boy, with a baby tired around his neck is standing by a large mass of water, smaller than a lake (aora). He sighs and takes the cup, not bucket, he was sent with to fetch water. I always question illogical things in my dream, but then I let this one go since it’s an ad.

        That place had an abstract animation-like effect of which this does not fully represent
(http://www.theroadscholar.net/Fairbanks.htm )

As the boy enters the village, there is the whole 3D thing of the grass-thatched rooftop getting electricity-lightning effect and everything in the homestead all of a sudden is brightly illuminated-think fluorescent bulbs.

(just continue with the story okay? Questions later)

I enter one of the huts that us boys chill out in and there is this relative, those who are always there with Dani till u consider them family, sitting and taking it all in. He asks me if it is possible to get water, like the way Dani did. I tell him yes. He then tells me how long a process he fears it is. I insist that most of this was done by my granny herself without help from her sons in Nairobi.

‘All you need to do is go to the offices, tell them you don’t have water, and fill the forms then follow up’. I am being honest since his face has a 'government doesn't give a crap' look.

After him getting my point, he takes a guitar and starts strumming, no sorry, plucking a Jeng’(Luo) tune and starts singing a beautiful, beautiful song. My granma walks into the room and I tell her how I have tried convincing this guy that the procedure is not hard. She nods in agreement.

‘Tell him granma,’  so she takes the guitar and starts singing to the same riff and hers is all drawly(like the way grandmothers sing) but really sweet and as I wonder what will happen to our two tunes, the other guy joins in a chorus with his previous tune and I jump in elation.

Kina my bro, Val my cousin and an uncle of mine (I figured who he was after waking up) can be heard entering the boma. So, I walk out of the hut to tell them to shush and come hear this awesome new song by Granny. My young uncle walks in and before I ask him, picks a guitar (perks of a dream) and starts singing a low ‘second verse’. And stops halfway.

He thinks it doesn’t fit in. I tell him to continue, ‘it’s perfect! After that the chorus blends in perfectly well...’

Then I wake up. I check the time. It’s 8 o’clock. My class starts at 8.30 a.m. Am late, but that tune plays in my head. Until I start typing this. Crap!

Good morning!

bc

The closest I got to a hut with lights

(http://greggsminiatureimaginations.blogspot.com/p/hagrids-hut-some-before-photos.html)