When you Know Your Mistakes and Still Make Them

Now, how to start... I avoid using the cliche, 'where to start' as much as possible. Let's see...  Today, Class, we will disqus the Common Mistakes made by Online Writers, specifically yours truly. We might also add quite intensely why he is keen on making them for a little longer than you would have expected.

Allegorical Titles and Subtitles
Give me a sec. I need to Google what allegorical means. Ok, it's not appropriate, in fact it is wrong. I will have to use it since I don't think analogical is a better-suited word.

The point of writing metaphorical titles rather than literal ones is because, just like icebreakers they are meant to make you turn. Now, unless you are reading a newspaper where the news is structured, most titles are boring. What's the point of reading a title that tells all? Funny enough, the best titles are those which tell you everything and yet make you want to read the piece still. I am yet to crack that so I will stick to my style.

I stimulate the mind,(weird, out of the ordinary works most of the time) partly because I am creative and conventional makes me feel restricted and underutilised.

Confusing Examples and Captions

I learnt this from ze master, Marcus Olang' himself.  Did you know, children ape you more and listen to you less? Yap, you did. But I bet you 10 Zim dollars that you didn't know some people are more 'apers' than others. I am living proof. I assimilate stuff around me subconsciously. I find myself snapping or tapping the table two minutes after sitting across you at a meeting. TMI.

I admire wit and the subtlety that defines satirical writing and speech. If I admire something, I consciously absorb it. Be it a word or voicing or ad lib. Hence I have absorbed from Man Njoro, Nduta Kariuki and Olang' the art of misdirecting people to stimulate their brain cells to work.

Punctuation
Let me set the record straight. Here is my excuse for misusing the ellipsis; online writing requires spaced out, easy on the eye material. A status update or tweet can only be spaced by pressing 'Enter' or...say it with me, the three dots.

I however hate using CAPITAL LETTERS TO MAKE A POINT...I find it 'too much' in your face, close to being spit on. Sorry for the gross example but it's true. I mildly dislike 'shoooouuutinnggg' unless it is necessary. If you shout and use caps I fist-pump your face the only way I can, virtually.

Using this (!!!)  at the end of each sentence is stupid unless you are typing happy birthday on somebody's wall. Shout and use caps when HBDing someone. It fits perfectly. Afterall, in ceremonies, people sing/shout loudly and with no pleasant motives for the ear.

Now, I do not use xuch xes in my writing. I however love old apostrophe uses such as "D'you mind?" or "G'day". Problem is, people find it too informal and immature. Kwani hawakusoma Shakespeare ama kuwatch 'King Arthur' plus other epics?

Grammatical Mistakes
I am not a Grammar Nazi like Olang' and Koech Kevin but some mistakes irk/itch me. The best part about it is I make more grammatical mistakes than most people. Using the wrong words...like allegorical above...is second nature. By second nature I mean lazy. In their circles, I hide behind 'shrubbing' the word or using synonyms to avoid the raised brows that follow a wrong word.

K.R. I think Kiswahili has swag! I also think whoever overused the word swag (pop musicians) spoilt it for those of us who find words such as 'swagger' mellifluous. Hehe, your turn. Tafuta dictionary :-P

Moving on, journalists who use verbose a la Waga Odongo, do not impress me much. I read him simply because of his satire but the big words are ermm...unnecessary sometimes. However, Philip Ochieng' is another story altogether. A veteran, he is the last of a dying breed of 'knights' who would die for honour and nothing else. His writing can be described as classic!

Classic. In case you skipped reading and skimmed through the post. Philip Ochieng'

Coining Words/Acronyms For the Sake of It
Once again, its about being unique, memorable and lazy.IML. People will remember you if you coined a word with their name such as Sweetawa for Sitawa. The best example is the one used above which as mentioned in a previous post, means 'Kinda-Related'. The secret is to do it in a way people go like'hmm...doesn't make sense but that's Bodo!'*shrug*

I am not a writer, hence not bound by this rule. Onsando, no condescending looks allowed.(victoria_writes.com)

When I started typing this post I had so much to write. Now I am halfway and pausing, trying to brainstorm. It's sad really. Oh well, even this is worth a read. So says I, the writer. SMH!

To learn new words and how to use them, kindly tell this guy to link you to his blog. Kevin Orato, open a blog. To read someone who hates being compared to Chimamanda Adichie, read this girl's blog. It has a funny name...SOgugu. In addition ladies, when online and bored read this lovestory which I have never glanced at,even after meeting the writer. I repeat, never.

Finally get yourself Tickets for THUM #28Sep.

Whew! That's the longest post I have ever written/typed...whatever. I'm done! No, don't try that 'you are Bodo' thing on me. Thanks!

Short and Simple. Maybe Sweet.

This is going to be a short post. In fact I am not sure I will add a photo anywhere. Reason?

It's 3a.m. and I've got to be at Mater Hospital tomorrow at 9 or Milly will kill me. That said, I am proud of one David Lekuta. It sounds cooler and fresher than Rudisha.

The Girl reminded me that he has broken 4 records and is nothing as proud as Usain Bolt who is more than an athlete, a personality.

Who has noticed Rudisha has improved from 'Fiatu fyake' to 'Cleanliness Champions?' His overall image will see him endorse more products. #myopinion.

Much as Kenya was disqualified from the relay race, I want y'all to notice how the fallen Kenyan athlete (whose name sijui) wakes up and tries to catch up. Now that's the stuff that movies are made of! I bet it will be used to advertise the next Olympics.

As a parting shot, Kenya is bidding to host the Olympics. No, it's not 2058 yet. It's 2012. Am sure you are thinking what I'm thinking. Yap! No need to voice it!