In My Head

It's 1.33 a.m. Late, in my books. I will probably miss early Mass tomorrow and go for the noon one. Mathe calls it the mass for lazy/rich people. Some years ago it was the mass for the drunkards and something else I can't remember.

Insomnia? No, I love sleep as much as sleep loves me. I've never had an issue with insomnia.

So why am I awake? Well, I've been reading...before that I was watching something-Shuga Naija to be specific. 2 episodes out of curiosity on whether it was done as well as the Lupita one. Pssst! Lupita means a small star. Nyota ndogo...hehe!

Done with reading poetry (Redscar is an accomplished author??), short stories and online articles on topics ranging from Psychology (4 paragraphs then moved on) to the usual '14 ways to judge a good business idea'. Now that I've decided to put up a post, I'm thinking.

I'm thinking about this writer who has the ability to weave different characters from real life into fictional works; turning women into men and stuff. I have all along suspected it, but now I'm sure. The realization makes me want to call and ask, but then, well...it's past the hour where a man would just want to find out about a literary matter.

I'm thinking about many different paths crossing, no...criss-crossing each other in the near future and how that will pan out.

From such to things as mundane as this update (by Isaac Mugunda) gnawing at the seams of my brain. The Kenya Premier Leagues is getting more interesting with teams booking/searching for stadiums in different counties. Sofapaka has Machakos county. I wonder how that will affect the politics and football in our country. The EPL hasn't been this competitive in a long, long while. I guess that's a good thing. GGMU!

I'm thinking about this conversation on the need for money and whether we are slaves to money. This was sparked by two separate but related debates. One with Kenita at the arboretum-sawasawafest has returned home- and the other on Etta's wall.

I'm thinking about a dark,rich purple tie and a black shirt.

I'm thinking about how irritating this repetition might be to whoever is reading this.

Oh, and I chanced upon this and it perfectly captures one of my greatest fears. I had, till I read this, never found a way of expressing this very real fear to me. It haunts every little thing I do and everytime I reflect on my achievements and failures, I can't get this thought out of my head. Here it goes:

I will never be a brain surgeon, and I will never play the piano like Glenn Gould.
But what keeps me up late at night, and constantly gives me reason to fret, is this: I don’t know what I don’t know. There are universes of things out there — ideas, philosophies, songs, subtleties, facts, emotions — that exist but of which I am totally and thoroughly unaware. This makes me very uncomfortable. I find that the only way to find out the fuller extent of what I don’t know is for someone to tell me, teach me or show me, and then open my eyes to this bit of information, knowledge, or life experience that I, sadly, never before considered.
Afterward, I find something odd happens. I find what I have just learned is suddenly everywhere: on billboards or in the newspaper or SMACK: Right in front of me, and I can’t help but shake my head and speculate how and why I never saw or knew this particular thing before. And I begin to wonder if I could be any different, smarter, or more interesting had I discovered it when everyone else in the world found out about this particular obvious thing. I have been thinking a lot about these first discoveries and also those chance encounters: those elusive happenstances that often lead to defining moments in our lives.
[…]
I once read that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I fundamentally disagree with this idea. I think that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of hope. We might keep making mistakes but the struggle gives us a sense of empathy and connectivity that we would not experience otherwise. I believe this empathy improves our ability to see the unseen and better know the unknown.
Lives are shaped by chance encounters and by discovering things that we don’t know that we don’t know. The arc of a life is a circuitous one. … In the grand scheme of things, everything we do is an experiment, the outcome of which is unknown.
You never know when a typical life will be anything but, and you won’t know if you are rewriting history, or rewriting the future, until the writing is complete.
This, just this, I am comfortable not knowing.

She's called Debbie Millman and the book, Look Both Ways.

I had a great year! I'm good. I'm okay. I am resting, I'm sure something will happen...I just don't know when or how bad it will be. C'est la vie!. Goodnight!