Last Night in the News

Here are some of the things writers explore in their creativity.

So, yesterday in the news we all heard that some 3 women were arrested in a slum, claiming to be midwifes but suspected to be ‘jua kali’ abortionists. My creative juices also known as imagination decided to play around with the idea and think of how a novelist would put this story to work.

You could have a larger story,like something on unrequited love, told by a young Nairobian. And like any other plot, you explore a variety of themes, based on where you place a character, his friends, dialogue etc. At some point in your plot you could opt to start your chapter like this:

‘There were flies all over, irritatingly opting for people’s noses or rather, faces, instead of inanimate objects and clothing. It was the smell. Definitely had to be the smell. I also considered that it had rained in Nairobi last night for about 5 hours straight, not just Kurweini slums. In fact, there were rumours that houses, owned by the middle-class, had been flooded. We were shocked. That was Bobo and I, when I went to ask him if Shiks had called him by any chance after last night.

“Mimi sifanyingi hiyo kazi! Apana! No!”, the lady in the lesso with orange and black prints shrieked as she was led by the askaris to the waiting Landrover, already revved up.

It was a scene. The journalists with their paraphernalia (professional and semi-professional video as well as still cameras, colorfully-branded microphones and blandly designed audiorecorders, notepads and tiny pens) haggled and pushed each other like dogs by the butchery. It was beginning to turn messy as they were joined by the mothers who had tipped the police and wanted to lynch the three women. Or seemed to. The sight of cameras can do wonders. I tightened my grip on the black polythene bag with my two mandazis and mini-packet of Limuru Milk, and almost tripped as I turned…’

The pic should help with the imagery.. Source: Goodwin

I know, I know. I haven’t even touched on the stench of confiscated herbs, allegedly used for inducing abortion. I am yet to mention how some neighbor gave testimony, having seen a young girl led by an old man into the slaughterhouse and fail to come back. None of that yet, but then if I was to use all this, I would have had to tie it to our character’s story (see I can’t even tell you his name) and that would be giving too much away, and yet you just met himJ. Well, at least you know his gender.

Have a great November! Or as Capitalists would put it, have a Merry Christmas!

Learning Vulindlela-Compare and Contrast

Much as I requested Kevin to ask Kate, being a girl and all,(yes, all) to learn Nakupenda, I went ahead to learn this song by Brenda Fassie. You should watch the performance she does for Mandela, epic! Kwanza, that 180 split? No, it’s not the split that caught my eye though, it is the strong vocals, yidiyada.

This song is beautifully written and is slightly similar to Mwana Mberi.

 If you don't have a moral at the end of this post, remember, Africa is not a country with villages called Sangala where everyone speaks like Dubaku (24 ssn 8)  :-D Kenyan filmmakers should do a movie with a made-up European country and call it...I don't know, Skumavenia?

Now, if you are planning to do your own rendition of a song; one, get the pronunciation correct and two, find out the meaning. Otherwise you end up with this

Instead of this

Cracked me up! 

I Don't Want to be a Music Teacher

Article edited to incorporate reader response. Don't worry, the edited part stands out, you won't miss it.

The other day I was labeled 'rebellious.' Quite a shock for all who know me…and even to me. I am one of those ‘yes’ happy-go-happy bendera-hufuata-upepo people.

I however fit into the image of that character with hidden pride, the one mentioned during church seminars. Those with the pious look, but actually pride in the fact that they outwardly appear holy. Lots of church people have the same problem. It is a very subtle thing and one rarely sees it creeping in(sic), like the wasp that you’ve been seeing around but didn't know it was building a nest in your room at the top-left corner of the ceiling. Too much info, Charles.

By the way, when your girlfriend calls you by your first name, it could mean only two things… (refer to that Nigerian comedian for the rest)

Where were we? Yes! Rebelious. I prefer writing in a conversational manner. You should be able to hear me speaking to you. I dislike extremely complex prose (most probably because I'm not good at it). I inwardly correct someone when they say primare instead of praimari. I love simplicity, like Mathe does. For this post though,

I don’t want to be a music teacher. I was told every movie has the title mentioned somewhere by the characters and you should watch out for it. She (not Mathe) is the one who told me this.

Teaching music makes no sense specifically, to me. It is redundant. I mean, music is the only art/field that one studies so that they teach other people to become good enough to teach other people. WTH?!

At some point in my life I decided that I want to be a performer of music when I grow up, or should I say if. The allure of the stage and all that attention one gets, mind you, is a sign of some inner inadequacies. We won’t go into them right now though.

Do you realise we can’t have Eric Wainainas changing the sound of a generation if every music lover wants to go to K.U to get a PhD in music so that they later teach high school choirs during music festivals? A musician should create. I know they do, but when was the last time your playlist had a music teacher’s song favorited? No, seriously. Every great music teacher I know of, be it Brett Manning or Kavutha is known not for their creative work, but their teaching skills.

hmm...I've been thinking of getting dreadlocks...Quaint Photography

Other than Andrew, Sautisol’s bassist, most teachers who end up in international schools are lost in the schedules; preparing the kids for the annual concert, teachers’ meetings and supplementing that with one-off performances with the orchestras around Nairobi every now and then.

What’s the point of being a musician if all you do is teach? Ever heard of 90% of the graduands from Chiromo looking for universities in which to train other doctors?

Why should kids look up to you as a teacher if by your own example you are proving to them that their future, if they are to pursue music, is limited to becoming teachers of other kids who will be teachers of other kids who will be teachers?

I personally have chosen a better alternative. I want to be a drug tycoon so that I sponsor really good bands and launch their careers as a way to launder money. 

I prefer being a manager. In fact, I have often said to my Lele Ngoma band mates that they should allow me to quit and just focus on managing them. I could also become an events organizer coming up with concepts that can sell makers of good music. I am even willing to learn guitar and sit cross-legged at a high traffic zone in town and sing for money. But I don’t want to be a music teacher. In my not-so-humble view it is the death of the musician in the individual.

p.s. Kevo, I am not brushing aside the Masters idea.

Pause...

Are music teachers important? Heo yeah! Everyone including the aliens in space know that our music industry is in dire need of musically savvy superstars. But more than teachers, it needs role models. Think about it, who inspires you to sing better? Yolanda Adams or her vocal trainer? Atemi's vocal prowess or that of her vocal trainer? John Mayer or his guitar and songwriting teacher? 

Lessons from the Last Performance

(Sounds like a 90s movie title, yes?:-) No? Probably a book on the movie 'The Last Performance?'

I was to do a proper post since my last one was…kinda crappy. Am being honest here. I will stop giving you peeks into my thought-speak, you get to know too much, and I love my privacy. Lemme just type them as they come, even if in bits and pieces.

Performance

This is the first part of a post for the Lelengoma blog. 

Before I continue, the concert went well….naaah, away with modesty, it was AWESOME! Now I will restrain myself and continue.

This was said by one Wangui Githu to her students at the Sauti Academy (I paraphrase), ‘The moment you step on that stage, it’s yours. You own it and you can do almost anything. It is your space.’ Just assume she is still talking and add this to your imagery so far. ‘When at home (or in your room), you decide whether to watch TV seated on the carpet or on the sofa or stool, you name it. It’s your space. The stage should come close to that.’

Wangui.Quaint Photography

Pauline who has a beautiful voice by the way asked me a lot on stage fright. Thum was her first time on stage with Nouvelle the band and she had those moments all performers have at some point or the other.

Once you get Wangui’s concept, performance becomes slightly easier. When you are that familiar with the stage, you can start practicing in front of a mirror and all those other things ‘public speaking’ experts tell you to do.

Similar move learnt from MJ

It is all about creating an illusion of completeness. My own thinking is that performance is a  representation of real life hence anything done on stage should be as full/complete as real life. This is why actors wear big outfits and bigger, more exaggerated expressions when on stage. That’s why choirs at the Kenya Music Festivals arrange themselves in such a way as to cover the whole stage.

Old stuff you say. Well, in today’s technological age, this is why lighting is important to a set. You either have large cameras that keep the eye roving or dancing/confusing/captivating lighting to keep you glued to the stage and…say it, create the same illusion.

Hiphop artists usually jump up and down and move around, changing formations as they perform. Ballad singers a la Luther Vandross and Ella Fitzgerald do the same, but with their voices mostly. The same applies to Operatic singers. Keep in mind their audience though-if you stand at the same place when performing to children/adults with ADD, you will have no concert. I promise.

K.R. Watch Kasiva play the djembe…or Mobutu for that matter.

I was awed the first time I watched her play.Kasiva

Lingala performers prefer to dance, but other than that they also fill the stage with ‘extras’J Not in a mean way, but honestly, you have the sexylooking mamas, about 8 of them on stage, 8 dancers and 8 vocalists, not counting the instrumentalists. What for? Ask one-man guitarist Mike Rua how to cost-cut KQ style and save money for investing in a plot in Kisaju.

The Last Performance

For THUM, we changed our usual performance set up from mic on stands to chordless mics and it worked! Especially for me. I always felt like the stands were limiting. It is based on a simple concept. If dance is not your thing or your music is not hype/pop such that you have to dance throughout the set, then move around and achieve the same illusion.

Either way, if you are a performer, find a way of performing that works for you if the above don't. You could opt to just do dreadlocks and shake them every once in a while. Or not. Experiment and find something that works with your personality. Moreover, research and observe.

And that is how you get carried away doing a blog post for one page and end up writing it up to the end. Oh well, the readers are different and the material suits both. Oh, and copy/paste option was made for a purpose!

Mi huwanga Emcee

If Michael Jackson’s Earth Song had been written by a Kenyan ‘artiste’, this is how the lyrics would have looked like:

The green, green earth

Gives us food, rain and

Protects you and me

From the harmful effects we see

Of the scorching sun

Save the environment

Give the children a future

Save the environment

It only takes

You and Me

What happened to depth, creativity and poetry in how we write lyrics? Dear young ‘MC’ who is so passionate about society, how do you ‘katia’ that girl? You write her a poem that goes,’I love you and I want a relationship with you starting probably a month from now. I can provide for you so you have no reason to refuse?’

Well, if you do, then both of you are probably ‘MCs who want to win a Grammy for your skillzZ!’

This is how the Earth song was written, kindly compare and contrast-give your opinion, only if you have high self-esteem.

What about sunrise?
What about rain?
What about all the things?
That you said we were to gain

Wanted to post the first stanza only, but then the mouse refused. It just couldn’t resist copy pasting more…

What about killing fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine?
Did you ever stop to notice

All the blood we've shared before?
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying earth the weeping shores?

Such depth, beauty and ..and emotive words that make you stop and think. Lyrics must be poetic that is why you are called an artist. Being obvious-in case 1 above makes your song only last one ‘Mzungu’-sponsored tree-planting ceremony. Keep in mind Lucky Dube’s ‘prisoner’ is still played in radio stations, yet it is about apartheid.

Your song is not a lecture,it should get that message in a sublime, sweet and subtle way. 

Note:
I think I should do another post on Kenyans use of 'cliches' when writing love songs. Now you see why, it's not just autotune that ticks me off?

When you Know Your Mistakes and Still Make Them

Now, how to start... I avoid using the cliche, 'where to start' as much as possible. Let's see...  Today, Class, we will disqus the Common Mistakes made by Online Writers, specifically yours truly. We might also add quite intensely why he is keen on making them for a little longer than you would have expected.

Allegorical Titles and Subtitles
Give me a sec. I need to Google what allegorical means. Ok, it's not appropriate, in fact it is wrong. I will have to use it since I don't think analogical is a better-suited word.

The point of writing metaphorical titles rather than literal ones is because, just like icebreakers they are meant to make you turn. Now, unless you are reading a newspaper where the news is structured, most titles are boring. What's the point of reading a title that tells all? Funny enough, the best titles are those which tell you everything and yet make you want to read the piece still. I am yet to crack that so I will stick to my style.

I stimulate the mind,(weird, out of the ordinary works most of the time) partly because I am creative and conventional makes me feel restricted and underutilised.

Confusing Examples and Captions

I learnt this from ze master, Marcus Olang' himself.  Did you know, children ape you more and listen to you less? Yap, you did. But I bet you 10 Zim dollars that you didn't know some people are more 'apers' than others. I am living proof. I assimilate stuff around me subconsciously. I find myself snapping or tapping the table two minutes after sitting across you at a meeting. TMI.

I admire wit and the subtlety that defines satirical writing and speech. If I admire something, I consciously absorb it. Be it a word or voicing or ad lib. Hence I have absorbed from Man Njoro, Nduta Kariuki and Olang' the art of misdirecting people to stimulate their brain cells to work.

Punctuation
Let me set the record straight. Here is my excuse for misusing the ellipsis; online writing requires spaced out, easy on the eye material. A status update or tweet can only be spaced by pressing 'Enter' or...say it with me, the three dots.

I however hate using CAPITAL LETTERS TO MAKE A POINT...I find it 'too much' in your face, close to being spit on. Sorry for the gross example but it's true. I mildly dislike 'shoooouuutinnggg' unless it is necessary. If you shout and use caps I fist-pump your face the only way I can, virtually.

Using this (!!!)  at the end of each sentence is stupid unless you are typing happy birthday on somebody's wall. Shout and use caps when HBDing someone. It fits perfectly. Afterall, in ceremonies, people sing/shout loudly and with no pleasant motives for the ear.

Now, I do not use xuch xes in my writing. I however love old apostrophe uses such as "D'you mind?" or "G'day". Problem is, people find it too informal and immature. Kwani hawakusoma Shakespeare ama kuwatch 'King Arthur' plus other epics?

Grammatical Mistakes
I am not a Grammar Nazi like Olang' and Koech Kevin but some mistakes irk/itch me. The best part about it is I make more grammatical mistakes than most people. Using the wrong words...like allegorical above...is second nature. By second nature I mean lazy. In their circles, I hide behind 'shrubbing' the word or using synonyms to avoid the raised brows that follow a wrong word.

K.R. I think Kiswahili has swag! I also think whoever overused the word swag (pop musicians) spoilt it for those of us who find words such as 'swagger' mellifluous. Hehe, your turn. Tafuta dictionary :-P

Moving on, journalists who use verbose a la Waga Odongo, do not impress me much. I read him simply because of his satire but the big words are ermm...unnecessary sometimes. However, Philip Ochieng' is another story altogether. A veteran, he is the last of a dying breed of 'knights' who would die for honour and nothing else. His writing can be described as classic!

Classic. In case you skipped reading and skimmed through the post. Philip Ochieng'

Coining Words/Acronyms For the Sake of It
Once again, its about being unique, memorable and lazy.IML. People will remember you if you coined a word with their name such as Sweetawa for Sitawa. The best example is the one used above which as mentioned in a previous post, means 'Kinda-Related'. The secret is to do it in a way people go like'hmm...doesn't make sense but that's Bodo!'*shrug*

I am not a writer, hence not bound by this rule. Onsando, no condescending looks allowed.(victoria_writes.com)

When I started typing this post I had so much to write. Now I am halfway and pausing, trying to brainstorm. It's sad really. Oh well, even this is worth a read. So says I, the writer. SMH!

To learn new words and how to use them, kindly tell this guy to link you to his blog. Kevin Orato, open a blog. To read someone who hates being compared to Chimamanda Adichie, read this girl's blog. It has a funny name...SOgugu. In addition ladies, when online and bored read this lovestory which I have never glanced at,even after meeting the writer. I repeat, never.

Finally get yourself Tickets for THUM #28Sep.

Whew! That's the longest post I have ever written/typed...whatever. I'm done! No, don't try that 'you are Bodo' thing on me. Thanks!

Short and Simple. Maybe Sweet.

This is going to be a short post. In fact I am not sure I will add a photo anywhere. Reason?

It's 3a.m. and I've got to be at Mater Hospital tomorrow at 9 or Milly will kill me. That said, I am proud of one David Lekuta. It sounds cooler and fresher than Rudisha.

The Girl reminded me that he has broken 4 records and is nothing as proud as Usain Bolt who is more than an athlete, a personality.

Who has noticed Rudisha has improved from 'Fiatu fyake' to 'Cleanliness Champions?' His overall image will see him endorse more products. #myopinion.

Much as Kenya was disqualified from the relay race, I want y'all to notice how the fallen Kenyan athlete (whose name sijui) wakes up and tries to catch up. Now that's the stuff that movies are made of! I bet it will be used to advertise the next Olympics.

As a parting shot, Kenya is bidding to host the Olympics. No, it's not 2058 yet. It's 2012. Am sure you are thinking what I'm thinking. Yap! No need to voice it!